Hello everyone! Today I’m sharing the next installment in the college real talk series, with Amanda from Cosmetic Crazed. She’s sharing the story of being a virgin in college, and how she dealt with any issues that arose! Any names used in the story have been changed to protect anyone written about.
When people think about college, they think about being able to be themselves. It’s a time to express themselves without judgement, feel welcome, find their true friends, and explore life outside of their parent’s house.
That was one of the reasons I choose to go to an out of state school. I was tired of knowing everyone and wanted a chance to branch out and shine on my own. I was so excited when I made my own close-knit circle of friends that made me feel welcome at college. We all lived in the same dorm. Two of my female friends were my roommates, and four male friends lived across the hall from us. At the beginning of the year as we were getting to know each other, one of my friends, Jeanette, asked everyone when they lost their virginity.
Without missing a beat, everyone went around saying the ages when they lost their virginity. “15, 17, 16,” etc, until it got to me. I didn’t want to be that girl that still hadn’t had sex. But this was my chance for a fresh start, so I said, “17” and kept going.
Or, at least I tried to.
Things Got Messy
Jeanette was so shocked that she couldn’t hide her excitement. Without any thought she blurted, “Wait! You have sex?! I want to hear about it. Was he a boyfriend? Random? I want to hear it all.” Everyone turned to listen.
Now, don’t hate Jeanette, it wasn’t her fault. I still had my ‘good girl’ reputation even as I was reinventing myself. The girl had given me my first drink after all. But I couldn’t make a story up so instead I played it off by saying, “I was just joking, but I’m kind of offended that you were so shocked.” Everyone at the table laughed and moved on but I was dying inside the rest of the meal.
Being a virgin itself never bothered me, but the pity has always made me feel weird. Don’t get me wrong, I love that quality about myself. Exercising self-control and not just “losing it” for the sake of losing it has always been a major accomplishment of mine. It’s such a big deal when you’re in college, however, because you’re 18/19 as a freshman.
(And apparently, it’s amazing to be so old and not have had sex)
Being a Virgin
I would say the worst part about being a virgin in college is having to explain that you’re a virgin. When people date in college, sex is almost automatically on the table. Each person that I’ve tried dating I’ve had to come clean the first day/night/conversation and let them know I’m either not interested in having sex with them or that I’m a virgin….and still don’t want to have sex with them.
Why don’t I want to have sex with them you may ask? I’m not saving myself for marriage, no. But I do look at sex as something that is intimate and very vulnerable and I prefer to be with someone I know and trust. And until I find that, I’ll just keep to myself.
If you’re going into your freshman year of college or you’re already in college and are still a virgin, whatever your reasoning may be, embrace it. A lot of people still respect me as a virgin and I’ve stopped trying to read their minds when I tell them. In all honesty, it isn’t their business and I don’t care if they judge. Look at it this way, you probably don’t judge them for having sex, so you shouldn’t be judged for not having sex. That’s one of the great things about college, everyone can do their own thing. Or not do it!
Thanks again to Amanda for sharing her story with me and all of you! I love this college real talk series because it allows me to share so many diverse and unique stories that can share stories outside of my own experience! If you want to find out more about Amanda, you can see her on instagram here, twitter here, and on youtube here. Again, if you think you have your own story to share in this series, please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know. I’m always looking for more stories to share!